Friday, October 17, 2014

Long

   I made an agreement this week to eat my meals at the table whether I was with family or not. I thought it would be difficult but manageable. I am undone with how LONG it will take to change a habit. It is day four and I have only been successful once everyday. I am doing this to break a numbing habit of eating while watching TV, reading, etc. Numbing feelings is very easy to do when I eat while doing other things. It is however, very bad for my ability to know what I am consuming during the day.


   I numb feelings most often when I am tired, anxious, bored, or stressed out. The sobering facts are that I cannot numb feelings that are negative without numbing feelings of joy. That makes me sad. I wrote more about that here.


   Eating at the table brings calmness and gratitude as immediate rewards. I don't see why those rewards alone don't stop me from doing otherwise but, I have some deeply ingrained habits. Eating while watching TV feels like comfort until I think back on my lack of mindfulness.


    I am trying again today. Breakfast was good. It may take a LONG time.

I write on Fridays with a large group who inspire me. Only five minutes and without much thought to perfection. I write, prompted by one word that sends my thoughts to the keyboard and hopefully make sense.


Friday, October 10, 2014

Care

   I've been reflecting on the care of the elderly. When the light of our lives gets dimmer it seems that the intensity changes from casting our light wide to casting our light on those who care. It takes caring to be blessed with an older person's vision and view.


  





 I played at the funeral of a bubbly, young at heart sister with whom I have visited in the past 20 years. She was 92 and lovely in so many ways. I will remember her loving touch at our greeting, her questions about my family, which always came first, and her unfailing gratitude for her husband Jens. Her name was Midge.
  I loved the view from her living room window. It looked over the harbor and the trees were resplendent with color in the Fall. Friends would often bring her plants and bird feeders to hang just outside that view. We knew she spent many hours looking and thinking. I want to be more caring of the ones in the fall time of their life. Winter always comes.

I write on Fridays with a large group who inspire me. Only five minutes and without much thought to perfection. I write, prompted by one word that sends my thoughts to the keyboard and hopefully make
sense.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

In The Details

  I am a global learner. I like to see where my learning is going and where it came from. My joy is seeing the whole and I admit I don't have much patience for the details. The two art classes I have taken rocked my reality. They were polar opposites to each other. One was a mixed media class that stressed painting and collaging without concern for the end.  The process was all. How I struggled against the impulse to see the ending, to hold out for the vision I saw in my head.


   Now I am in a classical drawing class. I have drawn at least 50 cubes this week. I am tempted to say "damn perspective". I mean that literally. I want to stop the constant correcting to see the right perspective. Below is a second drawing I sent to the teacher. He encouraged us to send our drawings so that we don't practice incorrect principles. As you can see by his white lines, I did not see correctly. My cubes somehow are more rectangles.


  My eyes are crossing in the task of seeing the cube from underneath, straight on, and from above. Almost always I say I'm done when that nagging voice says, "You don't have a cube yet."


   What I am learning about myself is not earth shattering or even new. I am reluctant to persist to perfection. Good enough may not cut it in all things. I am going to persist against the tendency to wrap it up when I am almost there.


    I find going back to mixed media painting a great release. Color and texture is pure joy after ruler and pencil. What I am hoping for as I struggle to draw is a better understanding of the underneath structure of my painting. Steffon tells us that drawing is like sculpture. I hope to see more accurately and be more patient with the details.



Friday, October 3, 2014

New

     Leaving the gym this morning I saw red, orange, and yellow peeking through the trees in the east. My car turned right, away from home, and started down toward the water. There were two other cars sitting before the beach. They must have felt the pull of the new day.


    I am not used to people using the greeting, "What's up?" or What's new?". If someone used that phrase today I'd say,"Did you see the new day rise?"



“You Are the New Day”
by John David

I will love you more than me and more than yesterday
if you can but prove to me you are the new day.

Send the sun in time for dawn, let the birds all hail the morning.
Love of life will urge me say, you are the new day.

When I lay me down at night, knowing we must pay,
thoughts occur that this night might stay yesterday.

Thoughts that we as humans small could slow worlds and end it all
lie around me where they fall, before the new day.

One more day when time is running out for ev’ryone,
like a breath I knew would come, I reach for a new day.

Hope is my philosophy, just needs days in which to be,
love of life means hope for me, born on a new day.


I write on Fridays with a large group who inspire me. Only five minutes and without much thought to perfection. I write, prompted by one word that sends my thoughts to the keyboard and hopefully make
sense.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Because

   I get asked; "Why are you doing all this artsy schmartzy stuff at this stage of your life? BECAUSE, I have wanted to do this all my life but the gremlins of comparison, shame, and "not good enough" set in to roost about third grade.


    It is no different with writing. The Five Minute Friday group I write with are practicing this art form BECAUSE they need to have a platform to express themselves. We are wired for connection and one way to connect is to write, draw, paint, play music, or dance. There are others not listed here but I think I made my point. We need this to make sense of our lives.


    We need this to metabolize the ideas that flood our heads. It becomes a way to understand what we thought we knew. The pages here are a little project I started with my artist friend who suggested we take little second hand board books and alter them to be a journal of ideas.


   I knew I wanted another journal to synthesize the writings of Brené Brown. Her words have ricocheted off my brain over and over. So, these first three pages represent the Gifts of Imperfection, courage, compassion, and connection. I see every day that when I accept the imperfect in myself and others I am much more humane.


I write on Fridays with a large group who inspire me. Only five minutes and without much thought to perfection. I write, prompted by one word that sends my thoughts to the keyboard and hopefully make
sense.


Wednesday, September 24, 2014

An Artist's Date

     It is such a privilege to be invited into the studio of an artist. Our community has bi-yearly artist studio open house events. I just gawk with wide eyes at their work tables and supplies, imagining what it is like to create there, in that space. Yesterday I had a playdate with my artist friend. Long planned because we are über busy, but finally realized. Upstairs, in a light airy room, books, baskets, and boxes abound.


                       There are many little collections. The bottle caps ere fun and decorative.


       She aspires to publish some books so I found the "imagine" plaque fitting with the "how to's" for children's book writers.


      A lover of words,  this stamp was evocative of what we wanted to accomplish on this one single day.



   See that cuter than cute white stuffed pumpkin on the right? You can find a "how to" on her blog. I love the curly stand.


      I find art to require a great deal of patience so these words above the closet doors made me smile.


      This is what the art desk looked like before we started. Newspaper came next to cover the wood. In a few hours we had papers, baskets and paints everywhere.


     She likes working alone so I found the silent moments really nice because they were full of energy and purpose. Below is a peek at the Halloweenish page of her book. Yes, that is what we were making, altered books. Children's board books are perfect for remaking into art journals or writing journals.


You are probably wanting to see the finished product or at least the process and I will do a post just like that. But, not today. Today I wanted to remember and be grateful for my lovely day.



Friday, September 19, 2014

Hold

   I feel so grateful to be able to hold babies. I adore gathering them into my arms and giving them refuge and nurturing. I often mourn a bit that I cannot hold my own babies. They are all grown and have children and partners of their own. Luckily they have decided to let me be a grandmother.


There is nothing like making eye contact with a beautiful child and seeing recognition and delight in their eyes. We are wired for love and connection. I believe that with all my heart. In the sacred place of our soul we want to be loved and valued. I am honored to be able to give openly to these children, some whose DNA I share and some who were given to me by parents who came into our family. I worry sometimes that I will lose these delicate ties. I have only one recourse and that is to be grateful for every moment and circumstance that brings them into my presence.


I write on Fridays with a large group who inspire me. Only five minutes and without much thought to perfection. I write, prompted by one word that sends my thoughts to the keyboard and hopefully makes sense.